"Flame On" - "All Because Of You"

Well I'm not exactly sure why so much time has pasted since my last entry but since then a lot has happend, after i read all of ecclesiastes and didnt get to bed till 6 in the morning the next day i slept alot, then sunday morning at like 4am i got a desire to read the bible somemore so i read the entire book of galatians which was packed full of so much that i ended up taking 5 pages of notes, then i went back to sleep for like an hour before church. then monday i spent getting the cars ready for the trip home and packing. Then tuesday night my mom and Amy got here and i spent the night getting ice cream with a bunch of friends and showing them the area. Wednesday was the dreaded trip home which ended up taking 14 hours because of the jeep somewhat but mostly because of the intense fog the last 100 or so miles. then thursday was awsome because i got to see everyone and go to youth group again, it was also insightful because i got to interview greg and several of the youth as well as rob schroeder. I think i really learned alot and look forward to the rest of my interviews. friday i got lunch with brandi and everyone then we drove around all the old hangouts and hit mud puddles lol, then we went over scotts house and played halo 3, then it was over to the church to meet up with youth people. We finally went to my house and i cooked dinner for everyone, and decided on the movie "the kingdom" what an amazing movie, its the first time i've gone to a moive with that group and walked out of the theatre in silence, it was really really good, and i plan on seeing it again with people from college. then of course it was off to ezzies till 4 am which was wicked fun. then saturday is the reason for the first part of this title but ill finish my recap first... so saturday i worked on getting the civic winter ready and got two tires mounted on josh's jeep.. sorry josh. then we went fourwheeling wow we had a good run, except for tony's truck, which he just was unlucky and should have tried it in 4wheel and not in 2 wheel drive.. anyways i broke my tracbar on the last trail and had to tie it up some how... so i used my tshirt... yes i have taken the next step into hickdom. later i had dinner with parker and went to bed. sunday involved church first but then the long drive.

So back to saturday, this actually happend while 4wheeling so shame on you people that always tell me its a waste of time. after my good buddy tony got his jeep stuck and partially hydro seized lol we were standing around hopeing it would dry out and i brought up the kingdom, the movie i had just seen, and i said something about it being gory and tony suprized me with "you know whats a gory movie?" "the passion of the christ" i was blown away lol go tony i was thinking, so after explaining (to ensure his manliness) that he hadnt seen it because he wanted to, he added that he couldnt do that just sit there and take all that whipping and torture. so in my stupididy i was like "well its kind of hard not to take it he was all tied down and everything." then mister f-bomb dropping non christian owned my "christianity" he said "yeah but he was jesus he could have just been like "flame on" and did what ever he wanted" my stunned response was somthing like "did you just make a fantastic four refference to jesus?" lol but what i meant was how shallow am i, you dont go to church you dont try to live a christian life and yet you've got it down better than i do... no matter how simple your explanation. the truth is that he is god and could have done anything at anytime to stop it. but he didnt. do we think he owed it to us, do we think well god sent him he kinda had to, he knew that was part of it when he took it on, but the truth is that none of us could have gone through what he went though with the power to stop it, i guess i always saw it as once he commited he had no choice and had to go all the way via being under roman gaurd and being chained/tied up, but thats not true he could have pulled a glatiator and killed all the guards broke the chains killed ceasar he could have done anything but he didnt he endured everypart of his hardship by choice.

so with that in mind i went through the rest of my weekend then also rob burned me a cd of rise against, i really think i like them, although they are definatly not christian. one song in particular stuck out to me called the good left undone. so i looked up the lyrics:

In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
bending there in my direction.
I wrapped a hand around its stem
and pulled until the roots gave in,
finding there what I've been missing.
And I know....
So I tell myself, I tell myself, it's wrong.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!

Inside my hands these petals browned;
dried up fallen to the ground,
but it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
returned this flower to the dirt;
so it could live, I walked away now.
But I know...Not a day goes by when I don't feel its spurn.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!

All because of you.
All because of you.

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
Inside these arms of yours.

All because of you
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
no, not the kind with halos;
the kind that bring you home
when home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!

my first thot was it reminded of a verse that was prophesied over me, psalm 132, in it david makes a vow
"Surely i will not go into the chamber of my house,
or go up to the comfort of my bed,
I will not give sleep to my eyes,
or slumber to my eyelids,
until i find a place for the lord,"

so i thot wow a rock song david might have been able to relate to. then i went running and i dunno why but i guess the song was stuch in my head, so i started just singing "all because of you" as i ran, then that developed into "i believe in you" and instead of "ill follow your voice" it turned into "i long for your voice" and then later was coupled with " give me my direction" which seemed to fit with the rythm while i was running. i was running for like an hour last night and it was raining... but it didnt matter i just keep singing those lyrics i made up to the beat of the song. then later as a sat in the rain thinking maybe i would actually hear his voice now that i had begged him for it, i came up with "Let my life Be a, whisper" "Drown it out, with your voice" so maybe theres a christian parody of rise against in the making lol but it was a really good moment for me a good connection with god, its amazing when you make time for him how he'll show up. then (i know i do this often) i think it just might be my way of seeking god or something... maybe this doesnt strike anyone but me but ... then i thot what if god was singing this song?

stay with me i know its sorta a stretch but what if god was the one looking over the field with nothing but weeds "the earth before creation" and he found a flower "made a flower-adam" but later as he held it in his hand "lived with adam in the garden" the flower began to die "sin" so he plated it back in the ground and and so it could live he walked away "set adam in the real world outside the garden" now as we know god is longing for us to return to him, (i know this is giving god human like characteristics and maybe wrong) but what if its all because of us that god hasnt slept in so long, when he does he dreams, and longs to lay his head down, he reminds us that he hears our voice and all we have to do is shout out to him and he can save us. but he sits and waits and listens for our voice. maybe he can be our angel not the kind with wings no not the kind with halo's but the kind that will bring us home to him when we turn and realize this world "outside the garden, our "home"" has become a strange place all we have to do is shout out!