Well today was kind of hard for me. I got kind of fed up at one point for some reason, and started questioning and wondering which is never good for me.
But finally i got some answers to questions i was worrying about. Sarah called me from the L.A. term I've been applying to, and gave me a 45 minute phone interview!!! She said she would be calling all the applicants tomorrow to give them a final answer!!! I don't care what she says i just want an answer, i feel like my life has little enough direction as it is to keep wondering whether or not I'm even going to the program, so i am impatiently anticipating her call. I seriously cant wait to have that stress gone. Granted i would love to go and will be disappointed if i cant go but at least i wont have to live in limbo.
On another note i had to interview my mother today... It was for my youth ministry class and she was one of a few parents i interviewed to get a better idea of parents relationship and expectations with and for youth ministry. All the questions went so so and it seemed like she struggled to answer them, but the last question was "What other advice would you give to a young youth minister?" and right off the tip of her tongue came Philippians 4:8, which is very unlike her. My mom has, at least to my knowledge, only memorised a few verses, like faithful in little faithful in much and honor your mother in father stuff, usually only used for disciple or at least guilt trips to do what she wants. No offense to her i don't know if she means it but that's the way i felt growing up. But to hear her quote such a perfectly fitting verse that has given my mind more thot to chew on then much of anything else i have heard as of late. It was good to hear... So in case your too lazy to look it up or don't know it, it is "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."
Good solid advice, and enough food for thot for tonight.
God bless.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
"Flame On" - "All Because Of You"
Well I'm not exactly sure why so much time has pasted since my last entry but since then a lot has happend, after i read all of ecclesiastes and didnt get to bed till 6 in the morning the next day i slept alot, then sunday morning at like 4am i got a desire to read the bible somemore so i read the entire book of galatians which was packed full of so much that i ended up taking 5 pages of notes, then i went back to sleep for like an hour before church. then monday i spent getting the cars ready for the trip home and packing. Then tuesday night my mom and Amy got here and i spent the night getting ice cream with a bunch of friends and showing them the area. Wednesday was the dreaded trip home which ended up taking 14 hours because of the jeep somewhat but mostly because of the intense fog the last 100 or so miles. then thursday was awsome because i got to see everyone and go to youth group again, it was also insightful because i got to interview greg and several of the youth as well as rob schroeder. I think i really learned alot and look forward to the rest of my interviews. friday i got lunch with brandi and everyone then we drove around all the old hangouts and hit mud puddles lol, then we went over scotts house and played halo 3, then it was over to the church to meet up with youth people. We finally went to my house and i cooked dinner for everyone, and decided on the movie "the kingdom" what an amazing movie, its the first time i've gone to a moive with that group and walked out of the theatre in silence, it was really really good, and i plan on seeing it again with people from college. then of course it was off to ezzies till 4 am which was wicked fun. then saturday is the reason for the first part of this title but ill finish my recap first... so saturday i worked on getting the civic winter ready and got two tires mounted on josh's jeep.. sorry josh. then we went fourwheeling wow we had a good run, except for tony's truck, which he just was unlucky and should have tried it in 4wheel and not in 2 wheel drive.. anyways i broke my tracbar on the last trail and had to tie it up some how... so i used my tshirt... yes i have taken the next step into hickdom. later i had dinner with parker and went to bed. sunday involved church first but then the long drive.
So back to saturday, this actually happend while 4wheeling so shame on you people that always tell me its a waste of time. after my good buddy tony got his jeep stuck and partially hydro seized lol we were standing around hopeing it would dry out and i brought up the kingdom, the movie i had just seen, and i said something about it being gory and tony suprized me with "you know whats a gory movie?" "the passion of the christ" i was blown away lol go tony i was thinking, so after explaining (to ensure his manliness) that he hadnt seen it because he wanted to, he added that he couldnt do that just sit there and take all that whipping and torture. so in my stupididy i was like "well its kind of hard not to take it he was all tied down and everything." then mister f-bomb dropping non christian owned my "christianity" he said "yeah but he was jesus he could have just been like "flame on" and did what ever he wanted" my stunned response was somthing like "did you just make a fantastic four refference to jesus?" lol but what i meant was how shallow am i, you dont go to church you dont try to live a christian life and yet you've got it down better than i do... no matter how simple your explanation. the truth is that he is god and could have done anything at anytime to stop it. but he didnt. do we think he owed it to us, do we think well god sent him he kinda had to, he knew that was part of it when he took it on, but the truth is that none of us could have gone through what he went though with the power to stop it, i guess i always saw it as once he commited he had no choice and had to go all the way via being under roman gaurd and being chained/tied up, but thats not true he could have pulled a glatiator and killed all the guards broke the chains killed ceasar he could have done anything but he didnt he endured everypart of his hardship by choice.
so with that in mind i went through the rest of my weekend then also rob burned me a cd of rise against, i really think i like them, although they are definatly not christian. one song in particular stuck out to me called the good left undone. so i looked up the lyrics:
In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
bending there in my direction.
I wrapped a hand around its stem
and pulled until the roots gave in,
finding there what I've been missing.
And I know....
So I tell myself, I tell myself, it's wrong.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...
All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!
Inside my hands these petals browned;
dried up fallen to the ground,
but it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
returned this flower to the dirt;
so it could live, I walked away now.
But I know...Not a day goes by when I don't feel its spurn.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...
All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!
All because of you.
All because of you.
All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
Inside these arms of yours.
All because of you
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
no, not the kind with halos;
the kind that bring you home
when home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!
my first thot was it reminded of a verse that was prophesied over me, psalm 132, in it david makes a vow
"Surely i will not go into the chamber of my house,
or go up to the comfort of my bed,
I will not give sleep to my eyes,
or slumber to my eyelids,
until i find a place for the lord,"
so i thot wow a rock song david might have been able to relate to. then i went running and i dunno why but i guess the song was stuch in my head, so i started just singing "all because of you" as i ran, then that developed into "i believe in you" and instead of "ill follow your voice" it turned into "i long for your voice" and then later was coupled with " give me my direction" which seemed to fit with the rythm while i was running. i was running for like an hour last night and it was raining... but it didnt matter i just keep singing those lyrics i made up to the beat of the song. then later as a sat in the rain thinking maybe i would actually hear his voice now that i had begged him for it, i came up with "Let my life Be a, whisper" "Drown it out, with your voice" so maybe theres a christian parody of rise against in the making lol but it was a really good moment for me a good connection with god, its amazing when you make time for him how he'll show up. then (i know i do this often) i think it just might be my way of seeking god or something... maybe this doesnt strike anyone but me but ... then i thot what if god was singing this song?
stay with me i know its sorta a stretch but what if god was the one looking over the field with nothing but weeds "the earth before creation" and he found a flower "made a flower-adam" but later as he held it in his hand "lived with adam in the garden" the flower began to die "sin" so he plated it back in the ground and and so it could live he walked away "set adam in the real world outside the garden" now as we know god is longing for us to return to him, (i know this is giving god human like characteristics and maybe wrong) but what if its all because of us that god hasnt slept in so long, when he does he dreams, and longs to lay his head down, he reminds us that he hears our voice and all we have to do is shout out to him and he can save us. but he sits and waits and listens for our voice. maybe he can be our angel not the kind with wings no not the kind with halo's but the kind that will bring us home to him when we turn and realize this world "outside the garden, our "home"" has become a strange place all we have to do is shout out!
So back to saturday, this actually happend while 4wheeling so shame on you people that always tell me its a waste of time. after my good buddy tony got his jeep stuck and partially hydro seized lol we were standing around hopeing it would dry out and i brought up the kingdom, the movie i had just seen, and i said something about it being gory and tony suprized me with "you know whats a gory movie?" "the passion of the christ" i was blown away lol go tony i was thinking, so after explaining (to ensure his manliness) that he hadnt seen it because he wanted to, he added that he couldnt do that just sit there and take all that whipping and torture. so in my stupididy i was like "well its kind of hard not to take it he was all tied down and everything." then mister f-bomb dropping non christian owned my "christianity" he said "yeah but he was jesus he could have just been like "flame on" and did what ever he wanted" my stunned response was somthing like "did you just make a fantastic four refference to jesus?" lol but what i meant was how shallow am i, you dont go to church you dont try to live a christian life and yet you've got it down better than i do... no matter how simple your explanation. the truth is that he is god and could have done anything at anytime to stop it. but he didnt. do we think he owed it to us, do we think well god sent him he kinda had to, he knew that was part of it when he took it on, but the truth is that none of us could have gone through what he went though with the power to stop it, i guess i always saw it as once he commited he had no choice and had to go all the way via being under roman gaurd and being chained/tied up, but thats not true he could have pulled a glatiator and killed all the guards broke the chains killed ceasar he could have done anything but he didnt he endured everypart of his hardship by choice.
so with that in mind i went through the rest of my weekend then also rob burned me a cd of rise against, i really think i like them, although they are definatly not christian. one song in particular stuck out to me called the good left undone. so i looked up the lyrics:
In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
bending there in my direction.
I wrapped a hand around its stem
and pulled until the roots gave in,
finding there what I've been missing.
And I know....
So I tell myself, I tell myself, it's wrong.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...
All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!
Inside my hands these petals browned;
dried up fallen to the ground,
but it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
returned this flower to the dirt;
so it could live, I walked away now.
But I know...Not a day goes by when I don't feel its spurn.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...
All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!
All because of you.
All because of you.
All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
Inside these arms of yours.
All because of you
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
no, not the kind with halos;
the kind that bring you home
when home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is shout it out!
my first thot was it reminded of a verse that was prophesied over me, psalm 132, in it david makes a vow
"Surely i will not go into the chamber of my house,
or go up to the comfort of my bed,
I will not give sleep to my eyes,
or slumber to my eyelids,
until i find a place for the lord,"
so i thot wow a rock song david might have been able to relate to. then i went running and i dunno why but i guess the song was stuch in my head, so i started just singing "all because of you" as i ran, then that developed into "i believe in you" and instead of "ill follow your voice" it turned into "i long for your voice" and then later was coupled with " give me my direction" which seemed to fit with the rythm while i was running. i was running for like an hour last night and it was raining... but it didnt matter i just keep singing those lyrics i made up to the beat of the song. then later as a sat in the rain thinking maybe i would actually hear his voice now that i had begged him for it, i came up with "Let my life Be a, whisper" "Drown it out, with your voice" so maybe theres a christian parody of rise against in the making lol but it was a really good moment for me a good connection with god, its amazing when you make time for him how he'll show up. then (i know i do this often) i think it just might be my way of seeking god or something... maybe this doesnt strike anyone but me but ... then i thot what if god was singing this song?
stay with me i know its sorta a stretch but what if god was the one looking over the field with nothing but weeds "the earth before creation" and he found a flower "made a flower-adam" but later as he held it in his hand "lived with adam in the garden" the flower began to die "sin" so he plated it back in the ground and and so it could live he walked away "set adam in the real world outside the garden" now as we know god is longing for us to return to him, (i know this is giving god human like characteristics and maybe wrong) but what if its all because of us that god hasnt slept in so long, when he does he dreams, and longs to lay his head down, he reminds us that he hears our voice and all we have to do is shout out to him and he can save us. but he sits and waits and listens for our voice. maybe he can be our angel not the kind with wings no not the kind with halo's but the kind that will bring us home to him when we turn and realize this world "outside the garden, our "home"" has become a strange place all we have to do is shout out!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
ecclesiastes 2:11
so earlier in the middle of all this, i was laying on my back stareing at the sky asking god why, was i good enough, does he really want to use me, what do i have of worth, what should i do, how does he see the good in me? ext ext for some reason this verse came to mind, i dont even know if ive ever read it but i was pretty sure all i heard was ecclesiastes 2:11. of course i forgot, and went and blogged my heart and put my own opinions first before asking god. But then i remembered the verse and just read it, and then couldnt stop and read all of eccesiastes.
here is some things that stood out to me
2:11 then i looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labour in which i had toiled, and indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. there was no profit under the sun.
4:2-3 therefore i praised the dead who were already dead, more than the living who are still alive. YET, better than both is he who never existed who has never seen the evil work done under the sun.
4:13 better a poor and wise youth, than an old king who will be admonished no more
5:20 for he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, because god keeps him busy with the joy of his heart
6:3-5, 11
7:3 sorrow is better than laughter for by a sad countenance the heart is made better
7:5 it is better to hear the rebuke of the wise than for a man to listen to the song of fools
7:10 do not say why were the former days better than these for you do not inquire wisely concerning this.
8:17
9:11-12
11:5 as you do not know the ways of the wind, or how the bones of grow in the womb of her that is with child, so you do not know the works of god who makes everything
11:9-12:7
12:12-14
12:13-14 LET US HEAR THE CONCLUSION OF THIS MATTER
FEAR GOD AND KEEP HIS COMANDMENTS
FOR THIS IS MANS ALL
FOR GOD WILL BRING EVERY WORK INTO JUDGMENT
INCLUDING EVERY SECRET THING
WHETHER GOOD OR EVIL
here is some things that stood out to me
2:11 then i looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labour in which i had toiled, and indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. there was no profit under the sun.
4:2-3 therefore i praised the dead who were already dead, more than the living who are still alive. YET, better than both is he who never existed who has never seen the evil work done under the sun.
4:13 better a poor and wise youth, than an old king who will be admonished no more
5:20 for he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, because god keeps him busy with the joy of his heart
6:3-5, 11
7:3 sorrow is better than laughter for by a sad countenance the heart is made better
7:5 it is better to hear the rebuke of the wise than for a man to listen to the song of fools
7:10 do not say why were the former days better than these for you do not inquire wisely concerning this.
8:17
9:11-12
11:5 as you do not know the ways of the wind, or how the bones of grow in the womb of her that is with child, so you do not know the works of god who makes everything
11:9-12:7
12:12-14
12:13-14 LET US HEAR THE CONCLUSION OF THIS MATTER
FEAR GOD AND KEEP HIS COMANDMENTS
FOR THIS IS MANS ALL
FOR GOD WILL BRING EVERY WORK INTO JUDGMENT
INCLUDING EVERY SECRET THING
WHETHER GOOD OR EVIL
i dont ever want to hear her cry again
well i did not see tonight coming but it came anyway. i dont care to discuss todays or rather tonights events but all i will say is that it got me to think. just today i was tempted with the same thing and i turned it down. its been awhile since the temptation even tried but today of all days... were you preparring me oh god? and then solice in the woods, did you know i would need it, did you know my heart needed to be right with you and my mind clear for tonights events? i believe you did. though i didnt know it you knew it was coming and preparred me. college can be such a busy place and solice can be hard to find, and as my heart tore the whole way home, i was able to collapse as it broke and seek you, beg you, and desire you in solice once again. it seems like bathroom floors have become the only place i can truly pour out my heart to you and not be seen/distracted by others. but i also praise you for the community, i praise you for friends like trevor that i can ask to pray, even though i just spent the last 10 minutes on the floor with you. i praise you that i didnt need to tell him anything and yet i could feel your presence and releif as he just mearly sought you out for me. im scared to think im not worthy, im scared to think im not good enough, but thats how i feel. what good can you find in me, what gift could possibly come from this failure? only you god can see and know me, and i care no longer what the world thinks of me, i truly desire to be spotless in your eyes, not for my own reputation, not for my own glory, but so that my life might point others to you, it is not me who lives but you who live in me, please lord god let nothing be about me, but let others see jesus when they see me. i dont want to even help anyone, but i want to me a mediator for you to help and restore them to you. how can i lose my life god, show me what you would do in every curcumstance, let my life be a testiment to your love and grace, let me not be caught up in the ways of this world, even if they are not bad in and of them selfs
i dunno i want to cut it all out i feel like ive come pretty far but i want ever thing gone, i want nothing i dont want to even have a trace of anything that does not directly mirror christ
not only do i never want to hear her cry again, but i dont want to hear anyone cry ever again!
i know its unrealistic, and i know i dont have the strength to declare that at least i'll never make her or anyone cry again but please help me god not to, i will give it all away because anything else i might do effects others and i want nothing to do with hurting anyone ever again
i dunno i want to cut it all out i feel like ive come pretty far but i want ever thing gone, i want nothing i dont want to even have a trace of anything that does not directly mirror christ
not only do i never want to hear her cry again, but i dont want to hear anyone cry ever again!
i know its unrealistic, and i know i dont have the strength to declare that at least i'll never make her or anyone cry again but please help me god not to, i will give it all away because anything else i might do effects others and i want nothing to do with hurting anyone ever again
Thursday, October 11, 2007
just my thots tonight
today was existing....
last night was our floors last flag football game, so i decided to play since i haven't played the last couple games. we have lost all our games up until this point, but unfortunately there is no thrilling tale to tell, because the reason we won was simple, they didn't show up and thus forfeited... but then we decided to play a game against our self so we divided into upperclassmen versus freshmen lol but as it turns out it was like all the nonathletic upperclassmen versus all the athletic freshmen... so they were beating us and i don't know why but i got it in my heart and decided to step it up. I had the quarterback give me a short pass and somehow managed to juke past my defender and out run the entire team the entire length of the football Field for a touchdown. it was amazing i still don't know where i found the speed or energy. But then towards the end we were still down but only by a little i got a hand off and got lucky i basically ran right between two defenders one reached but missed my flag and for some reason the other one just tried to scare/intimidate me instead of grabbing my flag so i ran it into the goal again now scoring both our touchdowns. afterwards we all decided to run the track now granted i have been running every night again and it wasn't all that bad but then couple all that with 4 hours of sleep and today was horrible.
now on top of that i had a huge schedule to take on as well. had class at 7:50 till 10 chapel till 11 breakfast with Evan till 1130 then i grabbed an hour nap till 1245 ish then back to class till 315 then i had a meeting at 320 to go over my transfer to Azusa Pacific University in Los Angeles, then i had a meeting at 430 about my may term trip to Europe, then i had a quick dinner and was over to youth before 6 which lasted till 930 and then we all got together at taco bell till 1130 then i had to have a group photo for our floor and then practiced for fight night tomorrow... omg I'm so tired, but i somehow remembered i had to blog about youth for class and then decided to relay my sleepiness to you which is why this is entitled just my thots because there really isn't that much point to this.
other than some of the conversations i had at taco bell and my heart as of late. Ive come up with a rough outline of my possible ministry. basically i have this crazy idea. it incorporates some other peoples dreams and establishes mine. after the amazingly fun time we all had together tonight, seriously on a side note we had a blast and i feel a lot closer to most of them than ever, but after all the stories and blah talk i got a chance to run my sketched vision past them and got some input. if your dying to know what it is there are few of you who i will tell and i want to do it in my own way so please don't ask me and make it awkward its very much in the just crossed my mind god, what do you think god? stage. but its really on my heart and i guess id just ask you guys to say a quick prayer if you find the time for some direction and or conformation, and that at least id be able to have some of my questions answered. as for today i thank god so much for his unfailing strength, today was a struggle no doubt but by his grace and my dependence on him i was able to function as a student, his servant, a basketball player....,a friend, and a dreamer today and for that i give thanks. i could not have made it through today alone and could have easily given up and went to sleep at anytime. what are you thankful for today? whats god putting on your heart?
last night was our floors last flag football game, so i decided to play since i haven't played the last couple games. we have lost all our games up until this point, but unfortunately there is no thrilling tale to tell, because the reason we won was simple, they didn't show up and thus forfeited... but then we decided to play a game against our self so we divided into upperclassmen versus freshmen lol but as it turns out it was like all the nonathletic upperclassmen versus all the athletic freshmen... so they were beating us and i don't know why but i got it in my heart and decided to step it up. I had the quarterback give me a short pass and somehow managed to juke past my defender and out run the entire team the entire length of the football Field for a touchdown. it was amazing i still don't know where i found the speed or energy. But then towards the end we were still down but only by a little i got a hand off and got lucky i basically ran right between two defenders one reached but missed my flag and for some reason the other one just tried to scare/intimidate me instead of grabbing my flag so i ran it into the goal again now scoring both our touchdowns. afterwards we all decided to run the track now granted i have been running every night again and it wasn't all that bad but then couple all that with 4 hours of sleep and today was horrible.
now on top of that i had a huge schedule to take on as well. had class at 7:50 till 10 chapel till 11 breakfast with Evan till 1130 then i grabbed an hour nap till 1245 ish then back to class till 315 then i had a meeting at 320 to go over my transfer to Azusa Pacific University in Los Angeles, then i had a meeting at 430 about my may term trip to Europe, then i had a quick dinner and was over to youth before 6 which lasted till 930 and then we all got together at taco bell till 1130 then i had to have a group photo for our floor and then practiced for fight night tomorrow... omg I'm so tired, but i somehow remembered i had to blog about youth for class and then decided to relay my sleepiness to you which is why this is entitled just my thots because there really isn't that much point to this.
other than some of the conversations i had at taco bell and my heart as of late. Ive come up with a rough outline of my possible ministry. basically i have this crazy idea. it incorporates some other peoples dreams and establishes mine. after the amazingly fun time we all had together tonight, seriously on a side note we had a blast and i feel a lot closer to most of them than ever, but after all the stories and blah talk i got a chance to run my sketched vision past them and got some input. if your dying to know what it is there are few of you who i will tell and i want to do it in my own way so please don't ask me and make it awkward its very much in the just crossed my mind god, what do you think god? stage. but its really on my heart and i guess id just ask you guys to say a quick prayer if you find the time for some direction and or conformation, and that at least id be able to have some of my questions answered. as for today i thank god so much for his unfailing strength, today was a struggle no doubt but by his grace and my dependence on him i was able to function as a student, his servant, a basketball player....,a friend, and a dreamer today and for that i give thanks. i could not have made it through today alone and could have easily given up and went to sleep at anytime. what are you thankful for today? whats god putting on your heart?
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
more awe and kids in the way
My knuckles have turned white,
from holding your hand oh so tight
Your hand in mine feels too right
My tongue has become tied,
I'm fighting back my insides
I'm dancing with an angel under pale moonlight
I'm waiting for the day when you will come to me and say
i'm here to stay so let's run away
When we're standing on the edge of it all
Take my hand let's go
There's no need to be afraid of the fall
My love will hold you
i'm drying tears I've cried,
finding love that's in your eyes
One kiss from you and I'm paralyzed
Our hearts are killing time, they're dying to be inline
The idea of being one with you is the greatest prize
We'll watch each other grow, and step into the great unknown
This is our hope, the seed we've sown
why is it that god seems to speak to me most often through song/worship
why is it also i was not blessed with any musical ability lol all jokes aside tonight has been amazing leave it to kids in the way and 2 in the morning i dunno i guess ill just start with being honest when i hear kids in the way it causes me to flash back to everytime i heard that song before, on the way to youth trips, cruising around with shane and josh rudd, on the way to prom, cruising with brandi, so many nights of cruising alone, everthing it all floods back, i absolutly love the music for that reason dont get me wrong i like the band but it has become a trade mark through out my life so much so that it has become linked to many of my memories anyways this song in particular has been my favorite for along time. but i always took it a different way then i have tonight. i always sung my heart out, over a girl... many of their songs could easily be about a girl, and from talks to dave some of their earlier stuff acually was originally about a girl and later they changed the lyrics abit because they wanted that glory to god. i dont know why but i just listened to kids in the ways new album well as much of it that was posted on myspace and then promtly ordered it off ebay, but then i listened to like all thier love"ish" songs and half way through started thinking wow what if i sang these to god instead of about a girl. Ok, the girl... anyways thats not what this is about. i then decided to go back to this song (since it was my favorite i had started with it) and see if it went along with my idea of representing feelings i share with god, i cannot express the passion that flowed through me as i screamed the lyrics to and about god.
as i pictured holding gods hand so tight my nuckles turned white i wanted to cry and i realized no earthly 'relationship" can ever come close to that... i am in uder awe that god loves me that much. why should he? i know he does and i accept that thats not what this is about im not at a crisis im simply at a place where i HAVE to dry the tears ive cried from finding love in his eyes... i cant explain it...
from holding your hand oh so tight
Your hand in mine feels too right
My tongue has become tied,
I'm fighting back my insides
I'm dancing with an angel under pale moonlight
I'm waiting for the day when you will come to me and say
i'm here to stay so let's run away
When we're standing on the edge of it all
Take my hand let's go
There's no need to be afraid of the fall
My love will hold you
i'm drying tears I've cried,
finding love that's in your eyes
One kiss from you and I'm paralyzed
Our hearts are killing time, they're dying to be inline
The idea of being one with you is the greatest prize
We'll watch each other grow, and step into the great unknown
This is our hope, the seed we've sown
why is it that god seems to speak to me most often through song/worship
why is it also i was not blessed with any musical ability lol all jokes aside tonight has been amazing leave it to kids in the way and 2 in the morning i dunno i guess ill just start with being honest when i hear kids in the way it causes me to flash back to everytime i heard that song before, on the way to youth trips, cruising around with shane and josh rudd, on the way to prom, cruising with brandi, so many nights of cruising alone, everthing it all floods back, i absolutly love the music for that reason dont get me wrong i like the band but it has become a trade mark through out my life so much so that it has become linked to many of my memories anyways this song in particular has been my favorite for along time. but i always took it a different way then i have tonight. i always sung my heart out, over a girl... many of their songs could easily be about a girl, and from talks to dave some of their earlier stuff acually was originally about a girl and later they changed the lyrics abit because they wanted that glory to god. i dont know why but i just listened to kids in the ways new album well as much of it that was posted on myspace and then promtly ordered it off ebay, but then i listened to like all thier love"ish" songs and half way through started thinking wow what if i sang these to god instead of about a girl. Ok, the girl... anyways thats not what this is about. i then decided to go back to this song (since it was my favorite i had started with it) and see if it went along with my idea of representing feelings i share with god, i cannot express the passion that flowed through me as i screamed the lyrics to and about god.
as i pictured holding gods hand so tight my nuckles turned white i wanted to cry and i realized no earthly 'relationship" can ever come close to that... i am in uder awe that god loves me that much. why should he? i know he does and i accept that thats not what this is about im not at a crisis im simply at a place where i HAVE to dry the tears ive cried from finding love in his eyes... i cant explain it...
Monday, October 8, 2007
Are you in awe of god?
From the highest of heights
to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall
to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees
as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky
and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees
as we humbly proclaim You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
lately (last two or three days) i have been less in awe with god
i realized last night that i was slowly drifting back into routine, even though i spent the beginning of last week well, and got to serve in a home for veterans and then was able to be part of an amazing youth service Wednesday, which was followed by an even more amazing talk with the youth pastor, some how the last part of the week drug on and i started to become complacent.
i guess the "attacks" are most likely to come after you have found that good place in your "walk". i guess i should have been prepared but i let down my guard. now mind you i did absolutely nothing wrong but i also didn't do all that much good. I realized last night that i was slipping and i cried out to god and told him i was sorry. instantly i have felt a burden lifted. A burden i didn't even know i was carrying. its like in the office when Jim puts one penny in the end of Dwight's phone each day so it slowly gets heavier and heavier and then suddenly one day he takes all the pennies out and Dwight expecting to pick up a heavier phone smacks him self in the face with the lightweight phone. i didn't even realize it was happening because it wasn't like i was doing something bad, something our conscience picks up for us, its not something we usually feel guilty about. But then when released everything seems so much better.
i included this song because its one of the songs we sung in chapel today. i love the song all the time and am not trying to say it meant more to me today then any other day, but something about it was especially good today because i once again found my awe for god. Sometimes life starts closing in and it is so easy to start worrying about grades and tests and to worry about other peoples problems and not realize that even those good things can take our focus off him. So i have decided instead of being apathetic i am going to grab hold of this awe for god, i am going to make this revolution truly take hold of my life, and i thank god for things like devos and community that challenge me and keep my eyes focused on god, and i guess that's what I'm trying to encourage you to do. he is truly indescribable, incomparable, he is such an amazing god, and he deserves our passionate hearts. also i find tremendous grace in the fact that he "sees the depths of our souls and loves us the same" i know he will be with me no matter how i act but i now am more alert to this apathy and refuse to allow it to have a foot hold.
to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall
to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees
as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky
and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees
as we humbly proclaim You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
lately (last two or three days) i have been less in awe with god
i realized last night that i was slowly drifting back into routine, even though i spent the beginning of last week well, and got to serve in a home for veterans and then was able to be part of an amazing youth service Wednesday, which was followed by an even more amazing talk with the youth pastor, some how the last part of the week drug on and i started to become complacent.
i guess the "attacks" are most likely to come after you have found that good place in your "walk". i guess i should have been prepared but i let down my guard. now mind you i did absolutely nothing wrong but i also didn't do all that much good. I realized last night that i was slipping and i cried out to god and told him i was sorry. instantly i have felt a burden lifted. A burden i didn't even know i was carrying. its like in the office when Jim puts one penny in the end of Dwight's phone each day so it slowly gets heavier and heavier and then suddenly one day he takes all the pennies out and Dwight expecting to pick up a heavier phone smacks him self in the face with the lightweight phone. i didn't even realize it was happening because it wasn't like i was doing something bad, something our conscience picks up for us, its not something we usually feel guilty about. But then when released everything seems so much better.
i included this song because its one of the songs we sung in chapel today. i love the song all the time and am not trying to say it meant more to me today then any other day, but something about it was especially good today because i once again found my awe for god. Sometimes life starts closing in and it is so easy to start worrying about grades and tests and to worry about other peoples problems and not realize that even those good things can take our focus off him. So i have decided instead of being apathetic i am going to grab hold of this awe for god, i am going to make this revolution truly take hold of my life, and i thank god for things like devos and community that challenge me and keep my eyes focused on god, and i guess that's what I'm trying to encourage you to do. he is truly indescribable, incomparable, he is such an amazing god, and he deserves our passionate hearts. also i find tremendous grace in the fact that he "sees the depths of our souls and loves us the same" i know he will be with me no matter how i act but i now am more alert to this apathy and refuse to allow it to have a foot hold.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Do You Think God Is Boring???
Hey guys sorry i didn't post this weeekend for the most part i was real busy with my friend matt here to visit and a trip to the badlands. On another note though i did get a little time friday afternoon to talk to brandi which was cool because we were both so excited. I still am and i'm sure she and others still are but as I ran to class after hanging up at 1:10 when my class started at 1:15 across campus... i thought about something we had talked about. I didnt think about all the excitement of ideas and new opurtunities, I didnt think to thank God, what was going through my mind was dread. See we have all had these "mountain top" experiences, my dread is that this isnt really a change in the way i live my life but will fade as sparks usually do into nothing and a month from now i will wonder what happened as i find myself emersed back into the old way. So thats what ran through my head all weekend, in between blowing up things... and talking to creapy fishermen, and running over already dead roadkill.... I guess im throwing my activities in there to show you i'm not trying to tell you to become a monk/nun that doesnt have any fun, if i had to justify it which i dont think i have to, i would say that it is near immpossible to build relationships without fun and memories. anyways why is it that we get to such a good place and then fizzle out? well as god usually does he put it on the heart of our dean of chapel to preach on just that this afternoon. This isnt the first time i've thought about it in fact it is my main goal for this year at college. I have decided to set up goals periodically as i go, right now my goal is in two parts but i feel very relevant to eachother. First is that i want to find the bigger purpose, not just a call but a game plan, what is it that i need to be teaching, what is it that i feel so strongly to teach, is there something we've been missing is there some bigger goal in mind then being good enough to get into heaven and the second part is how to stay there. What i'm starting to realize (but am still seeking answers) is that maybe the message i have in my heart is to tell you you've already heard it. Maybe instead of trying to instill "youth group" principles, maybe its time to start living them. I think so many times we go into it looking for answers looking for what we need to learn, but what if we've already learned it? Is it possible that we have all the tools we need to change the world but we havent mastered trust enough to try useing them? So instead of useing them, they become cleche's of what were supposed to do and we keep saying yeah, yeah... blah, blah... i know all that teach me something new? whats wrong with that!! whats wrong with us!! we keep coming back looking for some new answers some amazing truth but instead we find the same answers and for some horrible reason that depresses us!!?? then when some person full of passion for god rubs off on us, fires us up, puts the same old message in some new form that intruges us, or sounds cool we are lit a flame. we get so gung ho for god. we want to change everything, but wait till next week and its over, we realize christianity didnt get any better, its still just as hard, its still the same old answers we have allready heard. But please catch this, IS'NT THAT THE POINT. god doesnt change, he is the same yesterday, today, and tommorrow. shouldnt hearing reacurring truths strengthen our faith, instead we get caught up in grading the speakers style, and appearence. If you keep going back looking for something better, do you know what that says to god? It says your not good enough yet, make me a better deal. I dont think i like you enough, you just dont fit in my life right now. thanks but no thanks... God you are boring! sounds alot like blasphemy to me... think im wrong? what about the passage in matthew 25 about god judging the world, how about verses 40, and 45 of that chapter to be specific. "And the king will answer them, ‘I tell you the truth, just as you did it for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of mine, you did it for me.’ " and "Then he will answer them, ‘I tell you the truth, just as you did not do it for one of the least of these, you did not do it for me.’ ". I will argue that when we call a speaker boring or ungifted, we undermime god for we must assume that god has prompted them to speak given them the gifts they need and it is his words. This doesnt mean that god gives him the style that will make him sound the coolest or make it easy for you to listen to. But it does mean that maybe its hard sometimes to hear from god, maybe sometimes it takes a little more patience and understanding to listen to what god is trying to teach us. I mean as it is overstated all the time "no one said it was going to be easy".
Back to todays message in chapel. Eh what the heck I'll post it tommorrow... lol i think i've rambled enough to spark some thot.
Back to todays message in chapel. Eh what the heck I'll post it tommorrow... lol i think i've rambled enough to spark some thot.
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